The Wild Things Are Right Here

This week the first official (non-teaser) trailer for Spike Jonze’s Where the Wild Things Are has been released. Its a mix of CGI and costumed actors. Looks like its going to be something special. As a fan of the children’s book, I’m excited to see it.

The Dirty Have Risen and Transformed Into Consumers

I know I usually talk about food so…I like movie popcorn. I do NOT like the new weird Skittles. There—done with that. Now on to what’s really irking me today.

I feel dirty, and not the good kind of dirty. I’m feeing the kind of dirty that comes from being tricked into watching a two-and-a-half-hour commercial and liking it. Yep, you probably all ready know where this is going. I went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I love it. Who doesn’t enjoy fighting, transforming giant robots shrouded in over the top, amazing special effects? Don’t look at me, because the inner nerd sings majestic when Optimus Prime puts his fist all the way through another robot’s face.

There was a scene where jets are taking off from a Navy carrier and soldiers are working their high-tech radar stations and I’m thinking, “Wow! That looks like an awesome job.” Inside my head, a little warning is going off—the one that goes off when I’m at the check-out counter picking up all the impulse items. I NEED an extra memory card, toothbrush, bug spray and mascara. I NEED to join the Navy, Air Force, Special Forces and….no I don’t. Try and tell me that isn’t an advertisement for the military. It totally is, and I’m not sure I care. read more

Want super powers? Wish granted

What super hero powers would you want?

What’s the best power to have?  How would you get said power?  Through a genetic mutation in your DNA?  Through a chance encounter with some infected creature or substance?  The how isn’t so much as important as the what.  What is your personal pick for super power?

You will find that this article, like the two before, have nothing to do with Mothers Day.  So we clearly HAVE NOT prepped a week’s worth of awesome stuff for your mom.  Unless she’s into picking superhero powers.  Which I doubt.

Before we proceed, I believe we can all agree that Jubilee’s power of shooting lame ass fucking fireworks out of her hands is the most worthless power ever.

A lot of people say they wish they could fly.  That’s pretty passive and dull to me.  Just flying?  BORED NOW.  Flying should be a secondary to another, more awesome power, like super strength or weather control.

Invisibility is also lame.  So you can go places without being observed.  After the pervy thrill wore off what fun could you really have with invisibility?  Not much.  read more

The Summer Movies I’m Not Seeing

Spring break is over and summer is right around the corner. Beware: the summer blockbusters are sure to follow!  Last Summer was dominated, as we all know, by the superhero movie.  Iron Man, Dark Knight and, to a slightly lesser extent, The Hulk made huge money for Hollywood last year.

In the past, the summer movie season kicked off on Memorial Day weekend, but in the same way that Christmas has overshadowed Thanksgiving and is sneaking up on Halloween, summer movie season keeps creeping up earlier each year. For example, this year’s first blockbuster action film,  X-Men Origins: Wolverine, opens May 1st. If this keeps up, we’ll be seeing the next James Bond or Jason Borne movie on Valentine’s Day.

Sadly, the globe is an an economic recession, making the public more selective over films are worth the ticket price. The competition is tough this year, with a slew of cool movies being released starting this spring. I would love to go see all of them, but at $10-12 per ticket, there is no way I can justify this expense. I’m going to try to narrow it down to two movies.  Painful as that might be. read more

The Problem with Prince Charming. I Blame Disney.

We are all used to the fairy tale wrap up at the end of Disney animated features.  Prince and princess kiss, and live happily ever after.  Do they really though?  How can this fairy tale magic work if the princess has only just met her liberator?

Disney has made a lot of money marketing their princesses, but their princes are boring, dull, and lifeless. The prince characters exist only to rescue the princess and become a last minute solution to poverty, abandonment, and loneliness.  The princess hardly knows a prince before she is carried away to his castle to spend the rest of her life with him.  What has she got herself into?  Some of the Disney princes don’t even have proper names and are only an archetype of a strong male savior, swooping in to save the day and validate the princess’s struggle.  Let’s look at the worst offenders:

Snow White and The Prince:  She doesn’t even properly meet him before she’s led to the woods by the huntsman and she goes into hiding.   Their only interaction is when he interrupts her singing to the doves and she runs away, probably in fear.  He sings to her briefly from below her balcony and that ends their brief courtship.  Though the fact that he hears her shrill piercing voice and is still interested, does give him points in his favor. read more

Dear IMDB, It’s not me its you.

Dear IMDB,

When we first met, I knew it was love.  We spent hours together discovering hilarious movie quotes and remembering long-forgotten TV shows I once loved.  Your wealth of trivia was unmatched by any I had ever met!  You had all the answers for me.  You knew everything I asked you.  You were magnificent!  You helped me grow and strive for more knowledge and connect with others who shared my interests.  Even after connecting with others, I consulted you on a regular basis!  I found, in you, everything I had been looking for in a movie website.  But I’m afraid you’ve changed IMDB.  And not for the better.  read more

Life should be so simple….

Darth Vader, Lord Voldemort, Saruman, The Joker, Carnage, evil aliens, brain-craving zombies, blood sucking fiends, and Uzi Toting Drug Dealers. In movies, books, and comics the goal is always clear: Blow up the Death Star, kill the bad guys, defeat the darkside, toss The Joker in Arkham, restore order, and maintain balance.  Then throw a kegger and celebrate with the Ewoks.  The path is never simple, but at least you know what must be done.  There’s no second guessing.  The hero’s job is to defeat the bad guys.  There isn’t any long exposition about what needs to be done.  How to do it maybe, but never a question of what to do.  There are always twists and turns along the way, and unexpected conflict but in the end, good triumphs over evil. read more

Not Awesome: NeverEnding Remakes

You must forgive me if I’m crying, but I just found out that Hollywood is working on a NeverEnding Story remake.  I’m not going to recap the plot of the original for you, because if you haven’t seen it, I don’t believe you have a pulse.  However, for the quick reminder, its the 80′s movie with the flying dog-looking “luck dragon.”   “They” claim that this new interpretation will be more like the book.  That the new movie will be a closer adaptation of the source material.  It’s not so much that I’m upset they’re remaking THIS movie, (although I clearly AM upset). I am more upset that it seems like every movie that comes out anymore is a remake!  Doesnt anyone write anything good anymore?  Everything I see is a rip off of something else.

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The Captain Planet Movie that Never Happened

Children of the 90′s know about ecology. The push for more science-aware programming such as Beakman’s World and Bill Nye the Science Guy brought the sciences alive for the 5-12 crowd. One of the biggest series of the earlier part of the decade was Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

Captain Planet was the brainchild of cable-mogul Ted Turner. The show aired globally on various affiliates and on TBS and Cartoon Network in the US. It combined action and adventure with a strong ecological message. I’m not sure if it was the lame puns or the green mullet, but the show has left its impression on pop culture. Love or hate it, Captain Planet brought concepts such as recycling and ecological ethics to the mainstream.

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