The Nominees Are…Inappropriate

Tonight is the premiere of the Nickelodeon 2010 Kids’ Choice Awards. The cable TV awards show directed at kids age 13 and below. For the show’s 23 year run, there has been an attempt to sanitize popular culture to keep the kid-friendly theme. Nickelodeon has built a brand that has not only become synonymous with children’s entertainment, but has also dominated nearly every medium for age groups under 18 years old. Unlike Disney, Nickelodeon originally embraced a spirit of rebellion. It was the first network for kids and reveled in the “kids only” exclusivity. On Nickelodeon, parents were slimed or had a pie thrown in their face for unjustly enforcing chores and homework. Nickelodeon understood kids and gave their audience a sense of mutual understanding on the condition of childhood.

Of course the rebellious spirit of the up-start network began to wain in the late 1980s and early 1990s, when parent groups began criticizing children’s television for sending the wrong message. Nickelodeon relented and toned down the anti-parents sentiment, expanding their brand into new demographics, including toddlers (Nick Jr.), tweens (TeenNick), and families (Nick@Nite). A kernel of rebellion still lies in within at least one show that airs annually on the network: the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards.

The problem with doing any award show for kids is that the nominees have to be age appropriate. For the most part, Nickelodeon is always suspect of using the show to nominate and award their own products. Although several of the categories have Nickelodeon programming as nominees, many are devout of any Nickelodeon, Viacom, or Paramount media. For the most part, the Kids’ Choice Awards seem objective enough to not become a giant network-promoting commercial. Unfortunately the efforts to stay objective bite Nickelodeon in the ass when it comes to the music categories.

Despite all the cable network efforts to milk their programming into hit selling records, most children’s music aims to satisfy preschoolers or teens, with not much in between. The 2010 music nominees include:

Favorite Music Group

• Black Eyed Peas
• Coldplay
• Jonas Brothers
• Linkin Park

Favorite Male Singer

• Jay-Z
• Sean Kingston
• Mario
• Ne-Yo

Favorite Female Singer

• Beyonce
• Miley Cyrus
• Lady Gaga
• Taylor Swift

I’m not sure if this is due to padding the nominees or lack of appropriate artists, but the lists almost all seem to have only 1 or 2 artists that could even be considered acceptable as a winner. Many of the nominated artists have lyrics that either play with sexual innuendo or mention the aspects of drinking and partying. Here are a few examples:

• Mario, song: Apple Bottom Jeans
  “The way you move in them Apple Bottoms…Every thug in the club wan’ holla…”
• Black Eyed Peas, song: Ring-a-ling
  “hello hello hello hello hello…then the girls want ding a ling a ling ling….ding a ling a ling ling, ding a ling a ling ling”
• Jay-Z, song: Venus vs. Mars
  “Shawty get it in…Daddy go hard…Shawty get it in…Venus Versus Mars”
• Lady Gaga, song: Love Game
  “Let’s have some fun…This beat is sick…I wanna take a ride on your disco stick”
• Linkin Park, song: Bleed It Out
  “Hand grenade pins in every line…throw ‘em up and let something shine…Going out of my fucking mind”

While the true meaning of the lyrics will be lost on young children, many parents still snicker at the innuendos. Before I’m called a prude or uptight, I will say that many children listen to music with adult themes and are ignorant of the meaning of the lyrics. Today “clean” versions of a song are often played on the radio, eliminating offensive words. Nickelodeon is pushing the boundaries of their demographic by nominating artists and films that skew a bit too old.

In order to see if I was a total stick in the mud, I glanced at the ratings of several nominees on Common Sense Media, a child advocacy group that rates media. Most of the artists were suggest for ages 15, 16, or 17 and up, based on the content. While the ratings are subjective, the site explains the reasoning with each rating. Common Sense Media does not campaign the media to change, but rather inform parents to become smart consumers. This does not stop groups from trying. Nickelodeon has become a bit spry and indignant in it’s old age. Last year, when singer Chris Brown’s brought up on felony charges of physically abusing his then girlfriend, Rihanna, parents started a petition to have him removed completely from the program. Nickelodeon stood by him and refused to de-list Brown as a nominee for favorite male singer or favorite song.

Although I doubt the network actually supports of the theses artists or their messages for kids, they do love advertising. The Kids’ Choice Awards is a huge ratings boost to a network where the core audience goes to bed by 8 PM. Being loyal to the obscene is par the course in television. In the end it’s up the parents and their willingness to battle the relentless pleas to tune into Justin Bieber. If you were (or are) a parent, would you let your children watch?

Photo Credit: Nickelodeon

Burger King uses sex to sell my daughter a kid’s meal

“Booty is booty,” said Sir Mix-a-Lot, insinuating that he doesn’t care the shape of his “baby’s back.” However his newest preference seems to be for the square, spongy, yellow variety. At least that’s what the “Burger King” would have us believe with the new Burger King kid’s meal commercials featuring the old-school rapper doing a modified rendition of his hit “Baby Got Back.”

It’s like MTV run amuck with girls waving around their enormous square butts to the beat of “I like square butts.” It looks like the same thing you’d see on any rap video sans handguns and 40’s. I’m going to go with–entirely inappropriate and a little freaky. Watch the offending ad below… read more

Cartoon Network Minus Cartoons: Everything Has an End

2003 seemed like a lifetime ago now, but I remember it well. Cartoon Network, the bastion of animation goodness, relaunched their venerable Cartoon Cartoon Fridays block into Cartoon Network Fridays, a weekly show hosted by live-action hosts and musical guests. I remember talking to my friend about how Fridays was just the beginning of the end of an all-animation Cartoon Network. He laughed it off thinking I was being a little paranoid, and I felt a little at ease. We all went along our merry ways.

But then, as the years progressed, my seemingly paranoid allusions proved to be not only accurate, but also worrisome, almost to the point that I actually have fears that cartoons are going to become an afterthought at the toon house that Ted and Betty built, replaced in the hearts of the executives with lame sitcoms and ripoffs of Discovery and Sci-Fi reality shows. read more