Foodies For Thought

Who coined the phrase “Foodie?” I’d really like to know because I have a roll of quarters I’d like to shove in their [insert favorite orifice here]. According to my fiancé, Wikpedia:

“Foodie is an informal term for a particular class of aficionado of food and drink. The word was coined in 1981 by Paul Levy and Ann Barr, who used it in the title of their 1984 book The Official Foodie Handbook.”

AH HAH! Paul Levy and Ann Barr, we need to talk. Thank you Wikkie, xoxo.

I am officially tired of the word. I am not a Foodie. I love food. That makes me a healthy person. Honestly, I obsess over food, planning weekly the new places I’m going to eat, searching for the secret little diners no one has been to, looking up menus online to get my mouth watering for something before I step out the door, pouring over cookbooks which I will never cook from, asking waiters what their favorite dish is, etc. That makes me a mentally insecure person who replaces adult interaction and love with food…NOT A FOODIE! read more

My Low-Cal Adventure at Boston Market

My friend and I love going out to eat. Some might say its the very bond that unites us. Luckily I live in a city with a wide variety of options, but not all of them are quick. I’m often left with three requests: delicious, fast, cheap. Its typical to compromise on one of these when hunger starts making me drive in the wrong lane, but I persist. Just recently we’ve had this conversation:

Best Buddy: I’ve decided to eat healthier.
Me: So, no cheese on the Big Mac Extra Value Meal?
Best Buddy: NO! I mean really healthier.
Me: Uh, McNuggets and Apple Dippers? I don’t understand.
Best Buddy: I mean NO McDonald’s.
Me: Blasphemy! read more

Chocolate is My Religion

I love Easter. Let me rephrase that…I love Easter candy. I especially love big giant chocolate rabbits. I have very fond memories as a child of biting the ears off and then using my best cartoon rabbit voice to scream, “MY EARS! MY EARS! THEY’RE GONE. OH, THE HUMANITY!” I have to admit, I’m a little timid about trying this shtick with the chocolate Jesus.

Yep, the “religious right” has had enough of our pagan candy bunnies and has introduced chocolates which convey the true meaning of the season. Visit Chocolate Fantasies (some part of  the site are NSFW) to get your own chocolate Jesus, Mary and other favorites such as Celtic crosses, crucifixes and baptismal scenes—all just in time for Easter. And it’s not that I’m totally against having ones faith immortalized in candy. I’m all for it. It just seems wrong to eat a religious icon.  And it also seems wrong to steal the innocence of bunnies and baby chicks away from our young-lings. read more

Peanuts, Crackerjacks and Heart Attacks

A friend forwarded me this little tidbit which wafted across the Associated Press Mobile News Network—damn those people and their iPhones always getting the important news before I do!

There is a ballpark in Michigan which offers a 4-pound, $20 burger. This burger has five beef patties, five slices of cheese, about a cup of chili with salsa and corn chips served on a sesame-seed bun. Apparently, the minor league West Michigan Whitecap baseball franchise wants all their fans to have heart attacks. In their defense, the person who eats the whole burger will be awarded a t-shirt attesting to such BEFORE keeling over in a pool of their own cholesterol.

I’ve noticed this trend catching on at other ballparks around the nation.  First there was the Sauget, Illinois Gateway Grizzlies who brought us Baseball’s Best Burger.  A juicy burger, sharp cheddar, and bacon served between two halves of Krispy Kreme’s Original Glazed donut.  And now the chefs at the GCS Stadium are vying for the title of Baseball’s Best Hot Dog with 1/5 pound of Black Angus dog topped with a couple of strips of bacon, sautéed onions, sauerkraut and cheese sauce. read more

Is Christian Salt Kosher?

“What the heck’s the matter with Christian salt?” Joe Godlewski asked reporters while sipping a beer in his Cresaptown, Maryland living room.

Apparently tired of seeing the Jews’ Zionist grip on the salt industry, Godlewski developed Blessed Christian Salt, the first kosher salt to be blessed by an Episcopal Priest and marketed to Christian chefs.

In his interview with Examiner.com (full article), Godlewski elaborates:

“This is about keeping Christianity in front of the public so that it doesn’t die. I want to keep Christianity on the table, in the household, however I can do it.”

I guess nobody told him that kosher salt isn’t part of some elaborate Jewish marketing scheme. Still, I’m more curious if the salt from an Episcopalian blessed salt mine still comes out kosher or if it creates some sort of weird inter-faith hybrid like Chrismukkah or Sarah Jessica Parker. read more

Cheat a Girl Scout out of a badge and make your own cookies!

Since the 1920s, the Girl Scouts of America have cornered the market on delicious cookie creations. The Girl Scouts started with a simple sugar cookie, leading to the expansion of a more complete line throughout the past 80 years. I’ve often wondered why the Girl Scouts don’t just sell their cookies year-round in super markets or online. The Girl Scout Counsel designed the fundraiser to teach the scouts about the value of money, community, and teamwork. I say they’re being pretty darn protective of a potentially lucrative business. Is scarcity the only leverage a Girl Scout has to sell multiple boxes to a single customer?

Well the jig is up Girl Scouts. Those tired of your cookie monopoly have liberated the public from your cookie stronghold. In fact, people have already cracked the recipe for your delicious and fattening cookies. Empowering the amateur bakers across the country, several sites have already posted recipes to many of the popular Girl Scout cookies.

Now to unveil a recipe for one of my favorites…
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Last Call: Order Jagerbombs and Check Out My New Haircut

Happy St. Patrick’s Day AbD readers. Its time for last call.   Hope that everyone had a fun and safe night.

Again, don’t watch that video if you’re offended by words.  Soon I’m going to stop typing that disclaimer because it’s stupid.  It is time to go sleep off the oncoming hangover and hope I’ve recovered in time to act normal at work tomorrow.  I wish everyone a pleasant morning.

I’m not pretentious…I shop at Whole Foods

So here I am, shopping in new Whole Foods that recently opened in Dallas. I’m among the yuppies and those “serious about health” (What aisle is the organic chocolate in?). I never expected I’d be here, but I’ve already tossed one leg into the bandwagon and I’m moments away from being in it completely.

Before you start calling me names, I must digress…

When I was in college a long long time ago in a galaxy — oh wait. Well there used to be a place on Lower Greenville, TX called Bluebonnet Grocers.  They sold organic food long before it became trendy/health/ecological. It sold the organic produce, vitamins and all the trappings of what you are enjoying in bulk at the new Whole Foods.  The old Bluebonnet Grocers became Lower Greenville’s Whole Foods.  So while I can literally almost throw a rock and hit the new Whole Foods, it will be hard to break the habit of going to the old one, well until it closes.

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“Fake” Dark Chocolate is Unhealthy

It seems like clockwork that the news media has a story about the ways a common food can help defend against heart attacks, cancer, and various other terminal diseases. Every Valentine’s Day there is a push by local media for the predictable fluff story about the wonders of chocolate for your body.

As much as I’d like to believe dark chocolate is the lesser evil of the candy world, it seems odd that the value of antioxidants can allow people to overlook the amount of sugar, fat, and calories contained in most dark chocolate.

After a little searching I discovered this article from 2007 by BBC News that confirmed my suspicion. The article cites that many manufacturers are making “fake” dark chocolate. A real dark chocolate contains a good amount of flavanols (antioxidants) from the cocoa plant. If kept in the chocolate making process, the end product is typically more bitter than other processed chocolates. The more bitter the chocolate, the less it sells. In order to still push dark chocolate, many manufacturers end up removing many antioxidants and add artificial coloring or carmelize the cocoa beans for a darker color. Once the flavanols are removed,  sugar or fat are added to the mix to help the taste. The new ingredients make the health benefits of eating dark chocolate almost non-existent. Eating some dark chocolates be just as unhealthy as chowing down on milk chocolate.
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The snack that smiles back

Anyone that has grown up in the past 40 years will recall his or her memories of Pepperidge Farm’s Goldfish. They are the small, cheesy baked snack crackers cut into the shape of goldfish. Within the past decade, they’ve added “smiles” to the crackers and even trademarked the tagline “The snack that smiles back! Goldfish!”. Turning a blind eye to the whole concept of eating food that smiles, Goldfish has a following that rivals almost any candy bar or bubble gum.

So what is this magic that makes Goldfish so appealing? Part of it is the ingredients. Although a far cry from the healthier Cheerios cereal, Goldfish offer than tactile hand holding experience that young children need. They’re baked and packed with enough cheese flavoring to make you forget you’re eating anything that has flour in it. It’s easy to lay a dozen of these crackers onto a highchair tray and let the kids go wild. It also easy for an adult to devour twenty crackers at one sitting before thinking they’ve overeaten.

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