What’s the best power to have?  How would you get said power?  Through a genetic mutation in your DNA?  Through a chance encounter with some infected creature or substance?  The how isn’t so much as important as the what.  What is your personal pick for super power?

You will find that this article, like the two before, have nothing to do with Mothers Day.  So we clearly HAVE NOT prepped a week’s worth of awesome stuff for your mom.  Unless she’s into picking superhero powers.  Which I doubt.

Before we proceed, I believe we can all agree that Jubilee’s power of shooting lame ass fucking fireworks out of her hands is the most worthless power ever.

A lot of people say they wish they could fly.  That’s pretty passive and dull to me.  Just flying?  BORED NOW.  Flying should be a secondary to another, more awesome power, like super strength or weather control.

Invisibility is also lame.  So you can go places without being observed.  After the pervy thrill wore off what fun could you really have with invisibility?  Not much. 

If you had the chance to pick superpowers you have to decide what kind of life you want to lead.  Do you want to be a hero and wear the cape and fight the bad guys?  Or would you prefer to maintain a low profile and keep your current lifestyle.

If I were to keep my current life I would want one of two powers:

Psychic/Telekinetic powers- Moving objects with your mind.  How much easier would your job be if you could hear what asshat co-workers and bosses were thinking?  If you could move things by thinking about it, it could save a lot of time.

Transportation Powers-  I’ve modified my ideas about this power a few times now.  Instead of teleportation to a place you can see or think of, I’ve decided that teleporting to a picture thats in your line of sight is my personal pick.  This way you could visit imaginary places like Middle Earth, Tatooine, and Mainframe.

If I were to become a superhero I would need more offensive powers.  Something I could do more damage with. I’m afraid that I’d be a bit greedy in this event.

I would want Elemental Powers.  That is, I’d want control of Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Gravity.

If I could only have one of those however, I’d choose gravity.  With gravity I could fly, crush the spines of my enemy, launch people into the atmosphere and even navigate traffic jams with ease.

If I were to be TRULY greedy, I would want Elemental Powers AND Adamantium Wolverine Claws.

How could anything be more badass than that?

What powers would you choose?

***Marvel owns pretty much all of the cool superheroes and I clearly don’t wish to infringe on their awesomeness.  Though I do wish they’d reclaim the movie rights to X-men, Fantastic Four, Spiderman and ect, since Fox and Sony seem hellbent on ruining these franchises.   Also, no one at this site owns or has any rights to DC properties either.  But then why would we want to?

(Photo by: Stoichiometry)

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Hello readers!  I am assuming that some of you are going to be seeing Wolverine this weekend, if you haven’t already.   I’m hearing very conflicting reviews and as previously stated I’m thinking of sitting this one out.  So those of you who are seeing this movie what did you think?  Is it any good?  Is it at least better than X3?  Please say it is, I’m not sure I could sit through another of those.   Let us know what you think in the comments.Should I make time to see this movie?  Or wait for Netflix to get it?

I miss the old cartoon though.  Finally out on DVD!

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I know I said I wasn’t going to post cats anymore but seriously this cat has some skills. 

Its nice that kitty’s owner won’t let him suffocate.

Look, I don’t even like cats.  I want this one though.  This cat is clearly awesome.  Enjoy.

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When you create something that other people will read, listen to, taste or touch, it’s always wise to think about your audience, that is if you want to be successful. Feedback and criticism are vital to growing and learning, but when does it become too much? Pandering to your audience can become tiresome and takes away originality. Being well liked as an artist, musician, writer, chef, or other career can be reward, but if the work isn’t your own, it can chip away at your soul.

Many people start out loving something and it quickly turns into a twisted, bizarre version that you’ve have to bend and disfigure as a way to make money. The American dream if all about having the freedom to find something you love. Integrity is often the first character trait shelved once making ends up meet becomes a struggle.

This is why rock stars drink and party and do drugs. There is a nagging voice somewhere in their head that has no idea what is going on anymore. The voice will wonder “Where is the music that used to be played in my best friend’s garage?” “Why do all my songs sound like Fall Out Boy, or Britney Spears?”

Is there a way to be truly successful without selling out?

When a rock star makes it big, the challenges that motivated them are gone leaving behind a  bored, rich shell of a musician. It’s the recipe for college kids too. Freedom, plus ego, plus money equals drunken frat party lifestyle, but I digress.

Everyone evolves.  No artist’s first album will sound the same as their fifth.  Artists change their style over time.  Writers change their style as time goes on.  The danger is in the why.  Why are you changing your style?  If its to please others, its not worth it.  Even if you make a lot of money, its not worth the emptiness inside.

At some point you have to stop and say “HEY! This isn’t what I wanted to do!” Forget the fans, the money, and the fame. Just do what you wanted to do in the first place. Stop the pandering. Do what makes you happy, not what might make you popular or rich.

Isn’t it better to be happy than obscenely rich?  I hope so.  Stop making every choice based on what others see and think.  Other people suck.  Other people have lame opinions.  Just look at top 40 charts.  Popular opinion is generally worthless.  Don’t you agree?

(Photo: dabawenya)

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Lets do it like they do on the…Sundance Channel?

Yes!  That’s right!  The Sundance Channel, known for dry, independent programing full of self important documentaries and dull low budget movies gets raunchy, hilarious and informative with Green Porno.

Now in its second season, Green Porno stars Isabella Rossellini, who is also a writer, director, and producer of the series of short films about mating habits of the animal kingdom.  In each episode she assumes the identity of an animal and acts out its mating ritual.

If I were a Snail…

If I were a Starfish…

If I were an Earthworm…

Isabella tells us some background of her animal, and in absurd animal costumes proceeds to hump cardboard and foam cut outs, telling the viewer just how the mating ritual occurs.

The set is cartoon like and fun, showing the lighthearted side of the series.  This is not a dry documentary.  There is no stuffy old British man in a tweed suit doing dry voice overs.  This is definitely something new.  Learning about animal reproduction has never been so amusing.

I never cared too much for Blue Velvet and I always thought David Lynch was a bit of a hack, but no one can deny that Isabella Rossellini is a beautiful and talented woman.  She is fearless in Green Porno.  She holds nothing back in her performance and that is what makes it so brilliant.

Green Porno airs on the Sundance Channel Tuesdays at 9 pm, or you can just head over to the Sundance site and watch all of Season 1 and Season 2 so far.

What do you think about this series?

(Photo: Promotional shot from Sundance/Green Porno)

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Life can be boring, really boring.  Day in, day out of work, laundry, a few hours of T.V. and then sleep.  The mechanics of life are endlessly dull.  No one loves doing dishes or paying bills or vacuuming the floor, but this is the stuff that keeps life functional, and it sucks.

What is one of the the first things people say they’ll do when they get a lot of money?  They get a maid, so they don’t have to deal with all the boring crap anymore.  But sadly, most of us will never have enough money.

Sometimes all of these mundane tasks and responsibilities clog you up like the lint trap on your dryer.  It makes you hopeless, makes you question what you’re doing all this for.   Sometimes your lint trap is so full that all of your hope and happiness is getting filtered out.  But like Miles in Risky Business says, “Sometimes you gotta say ‘What the Fuck’, make your move.”

Nothing fun and exciting is going to happen to you while you’re sitting on the couch.  There isn’t a secret patrol of super fun people going door to door.  You’ve got to get out of your comfort zone, go and do something new that you’ve never done before.  Great moments in your life are always a little scary.  This is life right now, this moment.  “This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

Not long ago I wrote about life’s choices and goals and how difficult it is to know what you’re supposed to do.  But sometimes you have to travel a path, any path, just to do something.  It may not be the right thing, but you have to get started somewhere.

Occasionally you’ve got to be  a “little” irresponsible to make life fun again.  Go insane for a day, just to make the normal days have good contrast.  Do something wacky or dumb.  You don’t have to be extravagant to get your perspective back, you just have to get out.

Go to lunch or coffee with a good friend and have a great conversation.  Really engage, don’t just wait for your turn to talk

Get stark raving drunk with some friends

Go see a crappy movie you would never otherwise see

Follow an adventure.  Say yes.

What if Luke had stayed on the home to rebuild the house and become a moisture farmer?  He might have been stuck in mediocrity forever. He knew nothing of the world he was entering into and yet he went.

In Transformers the geek asks the hot girl the important question “Fifty years from now, when you’re looking back at your life, don’t you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?”

The point is that when life gives you an opportunity, take it.  Odds are you won’t be blowing up the Death Star or facing off against giant alien robots, but you could be in for a great adventure. If nothing else, remember this, “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

How do you overcome mediocrity?

(Photo by: sail2dolphin)

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In the past, the summer movie season kicked off on Memorial Day weekend, but in the same way that Christmas has overshadowed Thanksgiving and is sneaking up on Halloween, summer movie season keeps creeping up earlier each year. For example, this year’s first blockbuster action film,  X-Men Origins: Wolverine, opens May 1st. If this keeps up, we’ll be seeing the next James Bond or Jason Borne movie on Valentine’s Day.

Sadly, the globe is an an economic recession, making the public more selective over films are worth the ticket price. The competition is tough this year, with a slew of cool movies being released starting this spring. I would love to go see all of them, but at $10-12 per ticket, there is no way I can justify this expense. I’m going to try to narrow it down to two movies.  Painful as that might be.

I’m personally going to pass on seeing Wolverine.  After the major leak of the early cut to the internet and the massive spread of early reviews, I have decided to skip seeing this in the theater.  I’ve read some reputable sites doing reviews and they aren’t so kind.  Obviously these are reviews on the early cut that has been leaked, but you can’t make cheesecake out of mud.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen:  Opens June 24

It might be super geek of me to say, but I’m really excited for this movie to come out.  I never go see movies on opening weekend.  I wait for the matinee and go at a time children and teenagers are less likely to annoy me.  I know its not very cool to like Michael Bay, but I dig fun action movies, and he makes them well.  I really liked the first movie and if the second is anything like it, my money will happily go towards seeing it.  This is a movie I would strongly consider waiting til Monday for.  Its Transformers.  There are going to be screaming children filling the theater.  Save yourself the headache and wait two days.

Star Trek: Opens May 8th

I was never a big Star Trek fan.  I liked Next Generation enough, but I’ve never really been a trekkie.  I’m more of a Star Wars girl.  However, there is something about this movie that demands that I go see it.  J.J. Abrams doesn’t really sell me either.  I have become tired of his meandering television plots that end up no where.   All things to the contrary, I really want to see Star Trek.  Perhaps the idea of seeing Sylar as Spock is the clincher.

As much as I would like to go see the new Harry Potter, it will have to wait for DVD release.  Sorry Harry, you aren’t making the cut.  You should have come out in November as planned when I still had money.

What movies are you most excited about this Summer?

(Photo by: jspatchwork)

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Happy Easter everyone.  Please enjoy some Bunny/Easter video’s.  We promise tomorrow we’ll get back to work and quit slacking off!  But it is a Holiday weekend, don’t try to pretend you haven’t been slacking too.  Remember, don’t eat too much chocolate.

Remember that after hiding all those eggs the Easter Bunny will be very tired!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Greatest. Movie. Ever.

Bugs Bunny and Gossamer.  Classic cartoon greatness.

Remember the Easter Bunny doesn’t always have to love you.  Sometimes he hates you.

(Photo by: aussiegall)

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Disney has made a lot of money marketing their princesses, but their princes are boring, dull, and lifeless. The prince characters exist only to rescue the princess and become a last minute solution to poverty, abandonment, and loneliness.  The princess hardly knows a prince before she is carried away to his castle to spend the rest of her life with him.  What has she got herself into?  Some of the Disney princes don’t even have proper names and are only an archetype of a strong male savior, swooping in to save the day and validate the princess’s struggle.  Let’s look at the worst offenders:

Snow White and The Prince:  She doesn’t even properly meet him before she’s led to the woods by the huntsman and she goes into hiding.   Their only interaction is when he interrupts her singing to the doves and she runs away, probably in fear.  He sings to her briefly from below her balcony and that ends their brief courtship.  Though the fact that he hears her shrill piercing voice and is still interested, does give him points in his favor.

However, the next time Snow White sees her prince she’s woken from a roofie cocktail and he whisks her away from her friends, to what we can only presume is a life of servitude and sexual favors.  While living with the dwarfs might have been meager, at least she was appreciated and loved.  The Dwarfs tried to avenge what they thought was her death, they build her a beautiful monument and guard her glass coffin day and night.  Prince Date Rape rides up after all the hard work has been done and takes her away to who knows what end.  LAME.

Cinderella and Prince Charming: Prince Charming only loves Cinderella after she’s had a rat-assisted, magically induced makeover.  Her hair and dress are perfect. She even has glass slippers!  This is not Cinderella as herself.  She is masquerading as a princess.  She’s basically had the magical, magazine cover, airbrush treatment of perfection when he meets her.  They dance and sing together at the ball and fall in love, but she has to run off since the magic spell that makes her so perfect wears off at midnight.  Way to perpetuate the myth that a man will only love you if you have a ton of makeup on, have your hair just right and come from a proper background.  That’s right, you can never be yourself and expect to be loved.  Cinderella flees into the night, leaving behind her shoe, and its back to her rags and reality before she knows it.

The prince then sends his manservant (a weaselly old guy with a foot fetish) out to find his “true love”.  Romantic?  Find your true love based on shoe size?  No description of her hair color,  face, or demeanor?  He gives no distinguishing characteristics of his love, only her glass shoe.   Sounds like a crappy Internet dating service, not the stuff of fairy tales.  The next time the prince sees Cinderella she’s been cleaned up again, nothing of her former life as a maid remains, and they get married.  Joy and happiness forever.

Not all the princes are losers though.  In the third of the princess movies they start to get things right.

Sleeping Beauty and Prince Phillip: There is little to complain about here.  This is the first time that both the princess and the prince have names, character backgrounds at last!  Prince Phillip and Aurora have an arraigned marriage, which is an archaic tradition, but still common  in European fairy tales. The arrangement was set-up but their parents, who are old pals and want their kingdoms united by marriage.  When Aurora is born the prince goes to meet her, which is a little creepy in modern western culture. He’s slightly older than her (5 years or so?), but this visit is  acceptable considering they’ve been betrothed.

He crosses her path again shortly before her coma when the goofy woodland creatures that Aurora has been talking to go steal his clothes to re-create the prince she’s been dreaming about.   They too sing a song together and dance before parting ways again.   He travels to the castle and gives up his future kingdom so that he can marry who he thinks is a peasant girl.  He gets kidnapped, by the most awesome Disney villain and is possibly tortured while locked in the dungeon.  After a magical assist he breaks out and fights through briers and brambles to the castle gate where he does battle with the Maleficent Dragon.   By the end, viewers know more about Phillip than Aurora, considering she’s comatose for a third of the picture.   After true love’s kiss awakens the kingdom, the couple shares a dance.  They don’t get married, they only dance.  Aurora is after all only 16!

Aurora’s situation isn’t bad, but poor Snow White and Cinderella!  They’re doomed to lameness.  Their princes have no personality or emotion.  I hope divorce exists in fairy tale land.   The love at first sight is idiotic in these movies.   Love takes time.  Not necessarily a long time, but longer than the length of a song as Disney would suggest.  Love also takes two sides.  The Prince and Prince Charming are bland vegetables who are dead behind the eyes.  These princes don’t come to the rescue, they warble somewhere off stage while someone else does the work.

I’m left wondering why our culture has idolized the idea of these fairy tale princes.  They don’t really do anything all that charming or caring.  Only in a fantasy world do these guys have any good qualities.  What good are dragon fighting skills when I have a bad day at work?  How will bursting in to song help me stave off foreclosure?  What good is a giant castle in the sky if there is no love or friendship?  In real life, a prince is someone who holds your hair back when you’re sick from too much Tequila and makes you alka-seltzer and grilled cheese the next day.

In Disney’s defense, they were able to produce a movie that poked fun at the various plot holes and campy musical nature of the princesses (Enchanted) and produce a strong male lead in Aladdin, yet, they still have two new princess stories (Princess & the Frog, Rapunzel) coming out that are bound to rely on the bland leading man. As usual, the prince characters are barely mentioned in press releases and pretty much seem like the same type of droll stand-ins that I’ve seen before. I’d love for them to prove me wrong.

A prince is someone who makes you laugh when you’ve had a shitty day and no one else is on your side.  Disney, I’m done with the false, empty princes and dramatized ideas of fairy tale love. You’ve sanitized the stories to the point where the “the dream” is actually a nightmare. If Prince Charming is the ideal model of male behavior, then we’re all screwed.

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In the craptastic economy we’re in, its easy to forget that gifts aren’t always supposed to be something the person “needs,” but instead something that they selfishly want.   If figuring out what they want is too hard, giving them something amusing is sometimes better.

Let’s all just admit for a moment that life can be lame.  Life can be boring and hard and bleak at times.  Isn’t laughter the best thing you can give someone?  Wouldn’t it be great to find a product that can be somewhat useful and amusing at the same time?

iliketotallyloveit is a site where users submit interesting, awesome, and hilarious products.  Inside every product page is a link to the site where you can purchase the item.   Since the site relies on users, that’s you and me, to submit new and unique products, the variety is vast.  If you know of a brilliant product please go submit it after you’re finished reading.  The site will only be as good as the people using it.

The site uses a voting system similar to Digg to move popular products to its front page for optimum viewing.  Products are also split up into categories and price range to help you shop.

Sometimes you will run across items you really want, (for me its the knife set pictured) and sometimes you will find things that defy explaination.   I cannot imagine someone wanting to use Bacon Soap.  At least it doesn’t actually smell like Bacon since I imagine dog owners would find themselves possibly in the emergency room.  Needless to say this site specializes in pointing out the things that you’ll never find in your local mall.

Whatever your gifting needs are you really should be able to find a suitable purchase on ilikeloveit.  If you can’t then maybe there’s no hope for you.  Get a gift card.

(Photo: from Amazon’s product page)

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