Want super powers? Wish granted

What super hero powers would you want?

What’s the best power to have?  How would you get said power?  Through a genetic mutation in your DNA?  Through a chance encounter with some infected creature or substance?  The how isn’t so much as important as the what.  What is your personal pick for super power?

You will find that this article, like the two before, have nothing to do with Mothers Day.  So we clearly HAVE NOT prepped a week’s worth of awesome stuff for your mom.  Unless she’s into picking superhero powers.  Which I doubt.

Before we proceed, I believe we can all agree that Jubilee’s power of shooting lame ass fucking fireworks out of her hands is the most worthless power ever.

A lot of people say they wish they could fly.  That’s pretty passive and dull to me.  Just flying?  BORED NOW.  Flying should be a secondary to another, more awesome power, like super strength or weather control.

Invisibility is also lame.  So you can go places without being observed.  After the pervy thrill wore off what fun could you really have with invisibility?  Not much.  read more

X-men Origins: Wolverine, Should I stay or should I go?

Hello readers!  I am assuming that some of you are going to be seeing Wolverine this weekend, if you haven’t already.   I’m hearing very conflicting reviews and as previously stated I’m thinking of sitting this one out.  So those of you who are seeing this movie what did you think?  Is it any good?  Is it at least better than X3?  Please say it is, I’m not sure I could sit through another of those.   Let us know what you think in the comments. read more

World’s most Awesome vertical leap

I know I said I wasn’t going to post cats anymore but seriously this cat has some skills.  read more

Getting deep: Selling out or selling your soul?

When you create something that other people will read, listen to, taste or touch, it’s always wise to think about your audience, that is if you want to be successful. Feedback and criticism are vital to growing and learning, but when does it become too much? Pandering to your audience can become tiresome and takes away originality. Being well liked as an artist, musician, writer, chef, or other career can be reward, but if the work isn’t your own, it can chip away at your soul.

Many people start out loving something and it quickly turns into a twisted, bizarre version that you’ve have to bend and disfigure as a way to make money. The American dream if all about having the freedom to find something you love. Integrity is often the first character trait shelved once making ends up meet becomes a struggle.

This is why rock stars drink and party and do drugs. There is a nagging voice somewhere in their head that has no idea what is going on anymore. The voice will wonder “Where is the music that used to be played in my best friend’s garage?” “Why do all my songs sound like Fall Out Boy, or Britney Spears?”

Is there a way to be truly successful without selling out?

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Green Porno: Pure Animal Sex

Lets do it like they do on the…Sundance Channel?

Yes!  That’s right!  The Sundance Channel, known for dry, independent programing full of self important documentaries and dull low budget movies gets raunchy, hilarious and informative with Green Porno.

Now in its second season, Green Porno stars Isabella Rossellini, who is also a writer, director, and producer of the series of short films about mating habits of the animal kingdom.  In each episode she assumes the identity of an animal and acts out its mating ritual.

If I were a Snail…

If I were a Starfish…

If I were an Earthworm…

Isabella tells us some background of her animal, and in absurd animal costumes proceeds to hump cardboard and foam cut outs, telling the viewer just how the mating ritual occurs. read more

A Pseudo Geek Guide to Mediocrity

Life can be boring, really boring.  Day in, day out of work, laundry, a few hours of T.V. and then sleep.  The mechanics of life are endlessly dull.  No one loves doing dishes or paying bills or vacuuming the floor, but this is the stuff that keeps life functional, and it sucks.

What is one of the the first things people say they’ll do when they get a lot of money?  They get a maid, so they don’t have to deal with all the boring crap anymore.  But sadly, most of us will never have enough money.

Sometimes all of these mundane tasks and responsibilities clog you up like the lint trap on your dryer.  It makes you hopeless, makes you question what you’re doing all this for.   Sometimes your lint trap is so full that all of your hope and happiness is getting filtered out.  But like Miles in Risky Business says, “Sometimes you gotta say ‘What the Fuck’, make your move.”

Nothing fun and exciting is going to happen to you while you’re sitting on the couch.  There isn’t a secret patrol of super fun people going door to door.  You’ve got to get out of your comfort zone, go and do something new that you’ve never done before.  Great moments in your life are always a little scary.  This is life right now, this moment.  “This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.” read more

The Summer Movies I’m Not Seeing

Spring break is over and summer is right around the corner. Beware: the summer blockbusters are sure to follow!  Last Summer was dominated, as we all know, by the superhero movie.  Iron Man, Dark Knight and, to a slightly lesser extent, The Hulk made huge money for Hollywood last year.

In the past, the summer movie season kicked off on Memorial Day weekend, but in the same way that Christmas has overshadowed Thanksgiving and is sneaking up on Halloween, summer movie season keeps creeping up earlier each year. For example, this year’s first blockbuster action film,  X-Men Origins: Wolverine, opens May 1st. If this keeps up, we’ll be seeing the next James Bond or Jason Borne movie on Valentine’s Day.

Sadly, the globe is an an economic recession, making the public more selective over films are worth the ticket price. The competition is tough this year, with a slew of cool movies being released starting this spring. I would love to go see all of them, but at $10-12 per ticket, there is no way I can justify this expense. I’m going to try to narrow it down to two movies.  Painful as that might be. read more

Jesus was Not a Zombie: Happy Easter

Yesterday, Jesus died, and tomorrow, in case you heathen types didn’t know, He raises Himself from the dead.   Not as a zombie mind you, He’s just good like that.   I guess being the Lord and Master of all creation should come with some perks, especially considering the occupational hazard of being crucified.

Happy Easter everyone.  Please enjoy some Bunny/Easter video’s.  We promise tomorrow we’ll get back to work and quit slacking off!  But it is a Holiday weekend, don’t try to pretend you haven’t been slacking too.  Remember, don’t eat too much chocolate.

Remember that after hiding all those eggs the Easter Bunny will be very tired! read more

The Problem with Prince Charming. I Blame Disney.

We are all used to the fairy tale wrap up at the end of Disney animated features.  Prince and princess kiss, and live happily ever after.  Do they really though?  How can this fairy tale magic work if the princess has only just met her liberator?

Disney has made a lot of money marketing their princesses, but their princes are boring, dull, and lifeless. The prince characters exist only to rescue the princess and become a last minute solution to poverty, abandonment, and loneliness.  The princess hardly knows a prince before she is carried away to his castle to spend the rest of her life with him.  What has she got herself into?  Some of the Disney princes don’t even have proper names and are only an archetype of a strong male savior, swooping in to save the day and validate the princess’s struggle.  Let’s look at the worst offenders:

Snow White and The Prince:  She doesn’t even properly meet him before she’s led to the woods by the huntsman and she goes into hiding.   Their only interaction is when he interrupts her singing to the doves and she runs away, probably in fear.  He sings to her briefly from below her balcony and that ends their brief courtship.  Though the fact that he hears her shrill piercing voice and is still interested, does give him points in his favor. read more

Laughter? I like, totally love it!

Do you ever find yourself at a total loss of what to get someone as a gift?  Sometimes you don’t know a person very well, or sometimes you know them too well and can’t figure out something they need.

In the craptastic economy we’re in, its easy to forget that gifts aren’t always supposed to be something the person “needs,” but instead something that they selfishly want.   If figuring out what they want is too hard, giving them something amusing is sometimes better.

Let’s all just admit for a moment that life can be lame.  Life can be boring and hard and bleak at times.  Isn’t laughter the best thing you can give someone?  Wouldn’t it be great to find a product that can be somewhat useful and amusing at the same time? read more